I have sailed the world Beheld its wonders
From the Dardanelles To the mountains of Peru
But there's no place like London
No, there's no place like London
Mr. Todd?
You are young Life has been kind to you
You will learn
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit
And it goes by the name of London
At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
But there's no place like London
Is everything all right, Mr. Todd?
I beg your indulgence, Anthony.
My mind is far from easy.
In these once familiar streets I feel shadows everywhere.
Shadows?
Ghosts.
There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife
She was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was
naive
There was another man who saw
that she was beautiful
A pious vulture of the law
Who, with a gesture of his claw
Removed the barber from his plate
Then there was nothing but to wait
And she would fall
So soft, so young so lost and, oh, so beautiful
And the lady, sir, did she succumb?
Oh, that was many years ago
I doubt if anyone would know
I'd like to thank you, Anthony.
If you hadn't spotted me, I'd be lost on the ocean still.
Will I see you again?
You might find me if you like.
Around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.
Until then, my friend.
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
A customer!
Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a fright I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down. Sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
What was that?
But you'd think we had the plague! From the way that people keep avoiding
No, you don't.
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale
Right you are, sir would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know, I make them But good? No!
The worst pies in London
Even that's polite The worst pies in London
If you doubt it, take a bite
Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it
It's nothing but crusting
Here, drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London
And no wonder with the price of meat what it is
When you get it Never thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat Finding poor animals
What are dying in the street
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does her business but I noticed something weird
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her What I calls enterprise
Popping pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick
No denying times is hard, sir!
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more Is that just revolting
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's molting
And tastes like
Well, pity
A woman alone!
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London
Sir
Times is hard
Trust me, dearie, it's gonna take a lot more than ale to wash that taste out.
Come with me. We'll get you a nice tumbler of gin, eh?
Isn't this homey, now?
The cheery wallpaper was a real bargain, too.
It was only partly singed when the chapel burned down.
There you go. You sit down, warm your bones.
You've a room over the shop here?
Times is so hard, why don't you rent it out?
What, up there? No, I won't go near it.
People think it's haunted.
- Haunted? - Yeah.
And who's to say they're wrong?
You see, years ago, something happened up there.
Something not very nice.
There was a barber and his wife
And he was beautiful
A proper artist with a knife
But they transported him for life
And he was beautiful
Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.
What was his crime?
Foolishness.
He had this wife, you see
Pretty little thing, silly little nit
Had her chance for the moon on a string
Poor thing
There was this judge, you see
Wanted her like mad Every day he sent her a flower
But did she come down from her tower?
Sat up there and sobbed by the hour
Poor fool
But there was worse yet to come poor thing
Well, Beadle calls on her all polite Poor thing
The Judge, he tells her is all contrite
He blames himself for her dreadful plight
She must come straight to his house tonight
Poor thing, poor thing
Of course, when she goes there Poor thing, poor thing
They're having this ball all in masks
There's no one she knows there Poor dear, poor thing
She wanders tormented and drinks Poor thing
The Judge has repented, she thinks Poor thing
"Oh, where is Judge Turpin?" She asks
He was there all right Only not so contrite
She wasn't no match for such craft you see
And everyone thought it so droll
They figured she had to be daft you see
So all of them stood there and laughed you see
Poor soul
Poor thing...
No!
Would no one have mercy on her?
So, it is you,
Benjamin Barker?
Where is Lucy?
Where is my wife?
She poisoned herself.
Arsenic, from the apothecary around the corner.
Tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me.
And he's got your daughter.
He?
Judge Turpin?
Adopted her. Like his own.
Fifteen years.
I've sweated in a living hell on a false charge.
Fifteen years dreaming I might come home to a wife and child.
Well, I can't say the years have been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker.
No. Not Barker.
That man is dead.
It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd.
And he will have his revenge.
Come in.
Nothing to be afraid of, love.
When they came for the girl, I hid them.
Could've sold them, but I didn't.
Those handles is chased silver, ain't they?
Silver. Yes.
These are my friends
See how they glisten
See this one shine
How he smiles in the light
My friend
My faithful friend
Speak to me, friend
Whisper, I'll listen
I know, I know
You've been locked out of sight all these years
Like me, my friend
Well, I've come home
To find you waiting
Home
And we're together
And we'll do wonders
Won't we?
You there, my friend
- I'm your friend, too, Mr. Todd - Come, let me hold you
- If you only knew, Mr. Todd - Now, with a sigh
Oh, Mr. Todd
- you're warm in my hand - You grow warm in my hand
My friend
- You've come home - My clever friend
Always had a fondness for you, I did
Rest now, my friends
- Never you fear, Mr. Todd - Soon I'll unfold you
- You can move in here, Mr. Todd - Soon you'll know
- Splendors you never - Splendors you never
- have dreamed all your days - have dreamed all your days
Will be yours
My lucky friends
- I'm your friend and now you're mine - Till now your shine...
- Don't they shine beautiful? - ... was merely silver
Silver's good enough for me
- Friends, you shall drip rubies - Mr. T
You'll soon drip precious
rubies
Leave me.
At last, my arm is complete again.
Green finch and linnet bird Nightingale, blackbird
How is it you sing?
How can you jubilate Sitting in cages
Never taking wing?
Outside the sky waits Beckoning, beckoning
Just beyond the bars
How can you remain Staring at the rain
Maddened by the stars?
How is it you sing anything?
How is it you sing?
My cage has many rooms Damask and dark
Nothing there sings Not even my lark
Larks never will, you know When they're captive
Teach me to be more adaptive
Green finch and linnet bird Nightingale, blackbird
Teach me how to sing
If I cannot fly
Let me sing
Alms!
Alms for a miserable woman
On a miserable chilly morning
- Thank you, sir! - Ma'am?
Could you tell me whose house this is?
That's the great Judge Turpin's house, that is.
And the young lady who resides there?
Oh, that's Johanna, his pretty little ward.
Keeps her snug, he does. All locked up.
So don't you go trespassing there, or it's a good whipping for you,
or any other young man with mischief on his mind.
Alms!
Alms for a desperate woman
I feel you
Johanna
I feel you
I was half convinced I'd waken
Satisfied enough to dream you
Happily I was mistaken, Johanna
I'll steal you
Johanna!
I'll steal you
Come in, lad. Come in.
You were looking for Hyde Park, you say?
Yes.
It's very large on the map, but I keep getting lost.
Sit down, lad, sit down.
It's embarrassing for a sailor to lose his bearings, but there you are.
A sailor?
Yes, sir. The Bountiful, out of Plymouth.
A sailor must know the ways of the world, yes?
Must be practiced in the ways of the world.
Would you say you were practiced, boy?
- Sir? - Oh, yes.
Such practices.
The geishas of Japan. The concubines of Siam.
The catamites of Greece. The harlots of India.
I have them all here. Drawings of them.
Everything you've ever dreamed of doing with a woman.
Would you like to see?
I think there's been some mistake.
I think not.
You gandered at my ward, Johanna. You gandered at her.
- Yes, sir, you gandered. - I meant no harm.
Your meaning is immaterial.
Mark me.
If I see your face again on this street, you'll rue the day you were born.
Hyde Park is that way, young sir!
A left and a right and straight on, you see?
Move on, now!
You heard what Judge Turpin said, little man.
Next time, it'll be your pretty little brains all over the pavement.
I'll steal you
Johanna
I'll steal you
Do they think that walls can hide you?
Even now, I'm at your window
I am in the dark beside you
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair
I feel you
Johanna
And one day
I'll steal you
Till I'm with you then I'm with you there!
Sweetly buried in your yellow hair!
He's here every Thursday. Italian. All the rage he is.
Best barber in London, they say.
Hang on.
Ladies and gentlemen May I have your attention, please?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
What ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen From now on you can waken at ease
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare
Gentlemen, you are about to see something
What rose from the dead!
On the top of my head!
'Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir True, sir, true
Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir?
Just like an elixir ought to do
How about a bottle, mister? Only costs a penny, guaranteed
Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir 'Tis unique
Rub a minute Stimulating, isn't it?
Soon you'll have to thin it Once a week!
Pardon me, ma'am what's that awful stench?
Are we standing in an open trench?
Must be standing near an open trench!
Pardon me, sir what's that awful stench?
Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
Anything what's slick, sir Soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir Of the girls
Want to buy a bottle, missus?
- What is this? - What is this?
- Smells like piss - Smells like...
- Looks like piss! - Wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear!
- This is piss, piss with ink - Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir!
Keep it off your boots, sir Eats right through
Yes, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it Ladies seem to love it
Flies do, too
I am Adolfo Pirelli
The king of the barbers The barber of kings
E buon giorno, good day! I blow you a kiss!
And I
the so famous Pirelli I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a the nerve-a to say
My elixir is piss
Who says this?
I do.
I am Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street.
I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's Elixir.
And I say to you that it is nothing but an arrant fraud,
concocted from piss and ink.
Furthermore, Signor, I have serviced no kings,
yet I wager that I can shave a cheek with 10 times more dexterity,
than any street mountebank.
Do you see these razors?
I lay them against ¡Ì5.
You are no match, sir.
Either accept my challenge, or reveal yourself as a sham.
You hear this foolish man?
Now, please, you will see how he will-a regret-a his-a folly.
Toby!
Who's for a free shave?
Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors.
Ready?
Ready!
Ready.
The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner!
Now, signorini, signori We mix-a the lather
But first-a You gather around, signorini, signori
You looking a man who have had-a the glory to shave-a the Pope!
Mr. Sweeney, whoever I beg-a you pardon
You'll probably say it was only a cardinal
Nope!
It was-a the Pope!
To shave-a the face To cut-a the hair
Require the grace Require the flair
For if-a you slip You nick the skin
You clip-a the chin You rip-a the lip a bit
Beyond-a repair
To shave-a the face
Or even a part Without it-a smart
Require the heart
Not just-a the flash
It take-a panache It take-a the passion for the art
To shave-a the face To trim-a the beard
To make-a the bristle Clean like a whistle
This is from early infancy The talent give to me
By God
It take-a the skill It take-a the brains
It take-a da will To take-a the pains
It take-a the pace It take-a the grace
The winner is Todd!
Sir, I bow to a skill far greater than my own.
The ¡Ì5.
May the good Lord smile on you.
Until we meet again.
Come, boy. Come!
Suppose it's just me gentle heart,
but I do hate to see a boy treated like that.
Congratulations, Mr. Todd.
May I ask you, sir, do you have your own establishment?
He certainly does.
Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor,
above my Meat Pie Emporium in Fleet Street.
I thank you, sir.
You are a paragon of integrity.
Well, I try to do my best for my friends and neighbors.
Your establishment is in Fleet Street, you say?
- Yes, sir. - Then, Mr. Todd,
you shall surely see me there before the week is out.
You will be welcome, Beadle Bamford.
And I can guarantee to give you, without a penny's charge,
the closest shave you will ever know.
Come on, love.
It's not much of a chair, but it'll do.
It was me poor Albert's chair. Sit in it all day long he did,
after his leg gave out with the gout.
Why doesn't the Beadle come?
"Before the week is out," that's what he said.
Well, who says the week's out? It's only Tuesday.
Easy now Hush, love, hush
Don't distress yourself What's your rush?
Keep your thoughts Nice and lush
Wait
Hush, love, hush Think it through
Once it bubbles Then what's to do?
Watch it close Let it brew
Wait
I've been thinking flowers Maybe daisies
To brighten up the room
Don't you think some flowers Pretty daisies
Might relieve the gloom?
Wait
Love, wait
And the Judge? When'll we get to him?
Can't you think of nothing else? Always brooding away on your wrongs
and what happened heaven knows how many years ago.
Come on.
Slow, love, slow Time's so fast
Now goes quickly See, now it's past
Soon will come Soon will last
Wait
Don't you know Silly man
Half the fun is to plan the plan?
All good things come to those who can
Wait
Gillyflowers, maybe 'Stead of daisies
I don't know, though What do you think?
Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me.
- Mrs. Lovett, sir. - A pleasure, ma'am.
Mr. Todd, there's a girl who needs my help.
Such a sad girl and lonely, but beautiful, too and...
- Slow down, son. - Yes. I'm sorry.
This girl has a guardian who keeps her locked away,
but then, this morning, she dropped this.
Surely a sign that Johanna wants me to help her.
That's her name, Johanna.
And Turpin is her guardian. He's a judge of some sort.
Once he goes to court, I'm going to slip into the house,
release her and beg her to come away with me tonight.
- Oh, this is very romantic. - Yes.
But I don't know anyone in London, you see.
And I need somewhere safe to bring her till I've hired a coach to take us away.
If I could keep her here just for an hour or two,
I'd be forever in your debt.
- Bring her here, love. - Thank you, ma'am.
Mr. Todd?
Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, my friend.
Thank you, ma'am.
Seems like the Fates are favoring you at last, Mr. T.
What is it? You'll have her back before the day is out.
What about him?
Him?
Oh, well. Let him bring her here.
And then, since you're so hot for a little,
that's the throat to slit, my dear.
Poor little Johanna.
All those years without a scrap of motherly affection.
Well, I'll soon see to that.
Hello. What's he doing here?
Keep the boy downstairs.
Signora, is Mr. Todd at home?
Plying his trade upstairs.
Would you look at it now?
You wouldn't mind if I gave it a nice juicy meat pie, would you?
- Si, si, si. Whatever you want. - Come on, lad.
Your teeth are strong, I hope.
Close the door. Get you a nice lovely pie.
Sit down. Make yourself comfy.
Come in.
- Mr. Todd. - Signor Pirelli.
Call me Davey.
Davey Collin's the name when it's not professional.
I'd like me five quid back, if you don't mind.
Why?
Because you entered into our little wager under false pretenses, my friend.
So that you might remember to be a bit more forthright in the future,
I'll be taking half your profits from herewith.
Share and share alike.
Mr. Benjamin Barker.
Here we are. Tuck in.
I like to see a man with a healthy appetite.
Reminds me of my dear Albert.
Liked to gorge himself to bloatation, he did.
He didn't have your nice head of hair, though.
To tell the truth, it gets awful hot.
Yes, this'll do nicely.
You don't remember me, do you? Why should you?
I was just a little nip that you hired for a couple of weeks,
sweeping up hair.
But I remember these.
And how could I ever forget you, Mr. Barker.
I used to sit right here.
Dream of the day when I could be a proper barber myself.
You might say that you was inspiration to me.
So, is we got a deal?
Or should I run down the street to me old pal, Beadle Bamford?
What do you say to that, now, Mr. Sweeney Todd?
My, my, my. Always work to be done.
Spic and span, that's my motto.
So, how'd you end up with that dreadful Italian?
Got me from the workhouse. Been there since I was born.
Oh, God! He's got an appointment with his tailor!
If he's late, he'll blame me!
Wait!
Signor! You got an appointment!
Signor Pirelli's been called away. Better run after him.
No, sir. I should stay here, or it'll be a lashing.
He's a great one for the lashings.
So,
- Mrs. Lovett gave you a pie, did she? - She's a real lady.
That she is.
But if I know a growing boy, there's still room for more pie, eh?
Yes, sir.
Then why don't you wait for your master downstairs?
- Be another pie in it for you, I'm sure. - No, I should stay here.
Tell you what, why don't you tell Mrs. Lovett
that I said to give you a nice big tot of gin.
Thank you, sir!
This is the second time, sir,
you have been brought before this bench.
Though it is my earnest wish ever to temper justice with mercy,
your persistent dedication to a life of crime
is an abomination before God and man.
I therefore sentence you to hang by the neck until you're dead.
And may the Lord have mercy on your soul.
Court is adjourned.
Thank you, Your Honor.
- Just the sentence we wanted. - Was he guilty?
Well, if he didn't do it,
he's surely done something to warrant a hanging.
- What man has not? - Sorry?
No matter. Come.
Walk home with me.
I have news for you, my friend.
In order to shield her from the evils of this world,
I have decided to marry my dear Johanna.
Sir, happy news indeed.
Strange though,
when I offered myself to her, she showed a certain reluctance.
Excuse me, my lord May I request, my lord
Permission, my lord, to speak?
Forgive me if I suggest, my lord
You're looking less than your best, my lord
There's powder upon your vest, my lord And stubble upon your cheek
And ladies, my lord, are weak
Stubble, you say?
Perhaps I am a little overhasty in the mornings.
Fret not though, my lord I know a place, my lord
A barber, my lord, of skill
Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord
Some eau de cologne to grace, my lord
And musk to enhance the chase my lord
You'll dazzle the girl until
Until?
She bows to your every will
Barber?
Take me to him.
His name is Todd, my lord, and he is the very last word in barbering.
You ought to slow down a bit, lad. It'll go straight to your head.
They used to give it to us in the workhouse
so as we could sleep.
Not that you'd want to sleep in that place, ma'am.
Not with the things what happen in the dark.
That's nice, dear.
Think I'll just pop in on Mr. Todd for a tick.
- You all right, there? - Leave the bottle.
That lad is drinking me out of house and home.
How long till Pirelli gets back?
He won't be back.
Mr. T, you didn't.
You're barking mad. Killing a man what done you no harm.
He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me.
Half me earnings.
Oh, well, it's a different matter then.
For a moment there, I thought you'd lost your marbles.
All that blood.
Poor bugger.
Oh, well.
Well, waste not, want not.
So, what are we gonna do about the boy then?
Send him up.
Oh, we don't need to worry about him. He's a simple thing.
Send him up!
Now, Mr. T, surely one's enough for today.
Besides, I was thinking of hiring the lad to help me run the shop.
Your poor knees aren't what they used to be.
All right.
Course, we're gonna have to stock up on the gin.
Boy drinks like a sailor.
The Judge.
Get out.
Get out!
Mr. Todd?
At your service.
An honor to receive your patronage, my lord.
You know me, sir?
Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin?
These premises are hardly prepossessing,
and yet the Beadle tells me
you're the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.
That is gracious of him, sir.
What may I do for you today, sir?
A stylish trimming of the hair?
Soothing skin massage?
Sit, sir. Sit.
You see, sir, a man infatuate with love Her ardent and eager slave
So fetch the pomade and pumice stone And lend me a more seductive tone
A sprinkling perhaps of French cologne But first, sir, I think
a shave
The closest I ever gave
You're in a merry mood today, Mr. Todd.
'Tis your delight, sir, catching fire From one man to the next